The Power of Asking, and then Asking Again

Hi Reader,

I’ve lost my ability to speak this week.

My voice is nothing but a croaky whisper. It turns out, Texas is “the allergen capital of the world,” and she has made her mark on me.

Interestingly, losing my ability to speak is helping me practice using my voice.

I woke up yesterday really feeling my body’s response and went into full self-care mode.

• I gave myself permission to be completely unproductive.
• I rescheduled my client sessions and 2 podcast interviews.
• I rain-checked on the yoga and dinner plans I had for later.
• I ordered a giant nutrient-rich Whole Foods delivery.

And I felt great about all of it. No guilt, no shame. Just feeling good about asking myself and others for what I need for my body to recover.

Then, I woke up this morning still not feeling well.

This felt different. Wait a minute, I already did the self-care thing and asked for what I needed, and now I need to ask again and for more?!

This is when I noticed the part of me rise up that says “not again, you’re asking for too much.”

Too much “unproductive” time. Too much understanding from those around me. Too much flexibility. Too much unplanned downtime.

Too much. Too much. Too much.

When I first asked myself and others for what I needed, it was easy (several years ago, this wouldn't have been the case).

But, then, when I needed to keep asking, things started to feel uncomfortable.

Despite this discomfort, I asked again anyways. I asked the “too much” part of me to get on board with asking myself for more rest and others for more flexibility.

It felt like a necessary step to move through the discomfort and make the ask. Because when physical well-being is at stake, you either give your body what it needs or your body will find ways to demand it.

Physically, it's really clear that we need to meet our needs in order to be well.

And then, I started wondering - why doesn't that always feel to be the case with our emotional well-being?

Compromise in emotional well-being is, in my opinion, easier to ignore and mask than compromises in physical well-being, and for longer periods of time.

And if it can be this uncomfortable to ask for what we need to stay physically well, how much light does that shine on how uncomfortable it can be to ask for things to stay emotionally well?

It got me thinking about how I recently asked for exactly what I needed from someone I care about. It went something along the lines of…

“I notice that when [behavior] happens, I start to feel disconnected. In order for me to feel more connected to you, I need more [alternative behavior].”

I felt so courageous, so proud of myself. And my ask was received well and acknowledged.

And then, nothing changed. I found myself at a crossroads with a decision to make.

Path #1: Do I keep asking for what I need? Do I risk feeling like “too much,” like a nag, like a broken record? Do I keep inviting this person to what I need in order to stay in loving connection with them without feeling resentment?

Path #2: Do I keep things easy and stop requesting what I need? Do I let it slip slowly into the background? Do I allow myself to accept less and attach myself to the potential for it to change, without demonstrated change?

When it comes to the emotional well-being ask, it would be easy for me to choose path #2. To just keep the peace and hope for the best.

But after making asks for my physical well-being this week, I'm reminded just how important it is that I choose Path #1.

There’s no reason my emotional well-being should take the backseat any more than my physical well-being should.

My entire being needs what it needs to keep it well - emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually.

So, I’m giving myself another day of rest. And if my body needs it still tomorrow, I’ll give it rest again. And on, and on, until I am met with physical well-being.

And, I’m going to keep asking for what I need to feel met emotionally with those I care for. And while I may lovingly reassess a dynamic with someone if they are unwilling or unable to meet my invitation, I will know that I did so after asking for exactly what I need.

The practice of asking yourself and others for what you need is powerful.

May we remember to keep asking until the need is met.

Geri

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We can have the strangest reactions to the concept of our own freedom.

It’s really fascinating and carries information about just how deeply we’ve been programmed to contain our expectations of life.

Simple statements like…

I choose how to live my life.

I choose to live a life I love.

I choose what I want to do with my life.

… they can send us into a spiral of resistance.

• “That’s not how things work.”
• “I should just be grateful for what I have.”
• “Well, that’s not going to pay the bills.”
• “I have to [insert limiting and normative way of doing things here].”

When did we get to a place where the most basic of purposes in life… living it as yourself and choosing the experience of life you want to have… is something we have to consider?

When did we get to a place where we lost the perspective that the point of life is aliveness?

In case you’ve forgotten, or no one has really told you, I’m here to say…

You get to choose who and how to be in life.

You get to choose what and how you do in life.

Yes, sometimes there will be risks, potential consequences, challenges, and trade-offs for some of your choices.

But I’ve found that often those trade-offs are more than worth what you gain.

It’s your choice, this life, and how you spend it.

Remember your power to choose, even when there's resistance to it.

Your power to choose is your path to freedom.

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